1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Relationship with the Omnipotent

I attended the Anticipated Mass at UST this evening which I'm doing regularly. I was really inspired with the Homily a while ago. It made me realize about so many things.The Homily was all about our relationship with God. How committed are we to Him. How much do we love Him. It is something that couldn't easily be answered by a "yes" or "no" based on what we think. Sometimes, our actions justify our real feelings towards Him.

Whenever we pray, we don't merely ask for God's help. It is a time we spend to talk to Him, to share our insights, to tell our thoughts, to talk about our experiences, to speak out all the things we wanna say. Yes we might not be able to hear His response but He is there listening to all the words we enunciate. With every requests we ask from God, He has three responses. First is "Yes, He will give it now". Second, "Yes but not now. Just wait for the right time". Or lastly "No. Never, because He has better plans for us". We should always educe that our ways are not always His ways, but His ways will always be the best.

We always think about our relationship to God as something that goes on a vertical manner. A relationship which includes you and God. But that's really not what it seems to be. Our relationship with God is also being affected by our relationship with the people around us. How we treat other people reflects our treatment to God. So what is praying for if our hearts are flamed with hatred for other people? It isn't enough to literally say the words "I love God". There is also a need for us to prove it.

As a creation of God, we are the most perfect. He made us out of His own image. He granted us the intelligence, wisdom and intellect. We are able to reason out which differentiates us from all other living things. It is in our nature to be pure, innocent and chaste. But because of the emergence of developments, people were stained with sin and wrongdoings. We were blinded with material things and temporal happiness. We thirst for power and supremacy. We became greedy and self-centered. Despite all of these epidemic dilemma we are facing, God is still and will always be here for us. He will never deny us. He will never leave us. In return, we should never deny Him from our lives. We should never loosen our grip to Him. We should never take Him away from the center of all the things we do.

Love. Faith. Respect. Are we giving enough for Him? If not, what are we living our lives for? What are we striving for? What are we struggling for? What are we fighting for? If not because of Him, what is the essence of our lives? Without Him, what would be the color of our days? If not because of Him, what is happiness for? In all the things we do, we should remember that we are doing it not only for ourselves, not only for the people who expect so much from us, but most importantly for God. The Alpha and the Omega. The beginning and the end. The person who is willing to sacrifice for us. The one person who offered His life to save us.

How about you? What can you sacrifice for God?

A Daughter's Confession (Birthday Message for my Dad)

March 05, 2012

There's this man I wanted to talk about. The man I haven't been with for a long  time. The man I'm absolutely longing for, the man whom I want to be with this very day. The man I miss calling "DAD". 

I wonder why uttering such word gives me an agonizing feeling. It seems like that word is filled with blade that sluggishly pierces my soul. Is it because I'm not using it anymore as much as I'd love to? Or is it because of the very person behind it who has brought an enormous fragment on my heart?

For so many times, I'd been overly bothered with what ifs and if only. What if my Dad was still here? Will I be able to make up from all the wrongdoings I've done? Or what if I was given the chance to see him again even just for a brief period, will I be able to make the most of it? Will that erase all the misery I'm feeling inside now? Will it cease the pain and the vexation dominating my heart? If only I was granted the power, I would undoubtedly protract all the moments I had with him and will never put an end to it. But no matter how hard I desire for these things to happen, I would only hurt myself from my expectations because that is next to impossible. The truth is, he's gone. He left me. And that kills me deep within.

I always tell myself that everything happens for a reason. Yes I'm certain with that but I wish I knew what the reasons are. Knowing the reason might somehow lessen the intensity of this vanquishing torment. It might bring compensation from the fatal pang of being left behind. But knowing the reason why still won't change the fact that he's gone. Letting go of a person you love the most is the hardest and harshest challenge a person could ever encounter.

The only moment we realize or appreciate the value of a person is when he/she is gone, a bitter truth I have proven. I can still remember when I was still with my Dad; I never really showed how much I love him. I was hesitant in saying it and reluctant in showing it in actions. I took him for granted. Maybe because I didn't grow up with him being around and I am more affectionate when it comes to my Tatang (my Uncle) which gave birth to a gap between me and my Dad. I can't blame myself about it, I was too young and I never really cared about what's going on. I was only able to fathom everything when it was already too late. 

Nine years ago (I was seven years old) my Dad met an accident which caused his horrifying death, considering that that day was my kuya Veejay's (eldest brother) birthday. A day which is supposed to be a mirthful revelry turned out to be an endless day of grieving, crying and lamenting. I consider that day the worst nightmare of my life. That was the only moment I realized how important my Dad was to me. I can't do anything but to cry. Every tear I shed means a lot. I shed a tear of grief. A tear of pain. A tear of heartache. A tear of misery. A tear of loss.

Time passed by, still I haven't moved on. The scar left from his death still hurts and remained unhealed. There were innumerable nights where I cried to sleep. And spent many days preferring to be alone, meditate by myself and reminisce the few beautiful memories I had with my Dad. Every day of my life was a struggle, every minute was a rebellion and every second was a fight. My Dad's death was my hardest fall on the ground. I stumbled corrosively, collapsed violently and tripped severely.

But as I grew older, I was able to handle things easier. I realized that I have been self-centred in the past. I only worried for my own sake and forgot that I wasn't the only one suffering from my Dad's death. It must've been hard also for my Mom to accept it. I might've been oblivious that she has cried all night without my Dad beside her. She must've suffered from the loss too. The same with my brothers, they too might have felt the pain I felt and for my Dad as well. I'm sure he also didn't want to leave us. Maybe if he only had a choice, he must've chosen to stay with us. He might be crying too because he can also feel the misery. I didn't understand it before, all I thought I was the only one fighting but I was wrong. This is not my struggle and my battle alone; this is my family's fight, we as a team together as one.

Dad, 

Even as a child, I've been speculating where you are. Were you in heaven? Was it a beautiful place? Have you seen God? Or were you in an exquisite paradise? Have you been watching me? Can you see me right now? Can you hear my voice and the whispers I enunciate every time I'm all by myself? Can you read my mind? I am unsure, but I hope you'd be able to read this. 

I only wanted to tell you that I'm still your little princess, the girl whom you offer your beautiful songs to, the girl whom you always kiss her forehead whenever you get home from work, the girl you danced with, the girl you always tease and crack jokes with, the girl you carry to bed when she falls asleep on the sofa, the girl you buy toys and dolls for, and the girl you loved very much. I'm still that girl Dad, I never changed. I might have grown into a lady but that doesn't change who I am. 

I can still remember when you told me that when I turn 18, you'll be my first dance. Every night I imagined myself dancing with you. But I woke up and realized that it won't happen anymore. Two JS Promenade had passed by but you weren't there. I only have a loving Tatang and a caring brother but I have no Dad to dance with, even a shadow of yours, still I couldn't discern.

I do not know how will I be able to make it up to you but I tried my best to make you proud. I studied and strive really hard to be on the top of the class. I offered my very best. I never gave up. You were my inspiration; I hope you're aware of that.

I miss you. I miss you more than anything. There were those idle times where I cried too much because I'm missing you. I miss having a Dad. I miss calling someone Dad. Sometimes I feel envious with my friends whenever I see them and their Dad together, that was too hurtful to bear. I miss your velvet voice. I miss your comforting words. I miss the way you wipe my tears away. I miss the way you make me laugh so hard that I find it hard to breathe. I miss you when you get drunk and do funny things. I miss the luscious food you cook for me. I miss you when you scold me because I'm too reckless to the point that I would get myself injured. I miss everything about you Dad.

I love you. I love you not because you're my Dad and I'm obliged to feel so. I love you because that's what I really feel. I love you because you mean so much to me. I love you because you love me. I love you because you made me happy even for a short period. I love you because you gave meaning to my life. I love you because you inspired me to become a better person. I love you because you taught me how to be strong and not to surrender. I love you because you cared for me. I love you because you bring out the best in me. I love you more than words could express Dad.

Thank you. Thank you for showing what the meaning of life really is. That life is not a bundle of sweet fruits. It is a mixture of every spice which makes it more flavorful  With every fall, I should take the courage to stand up. With every heartbreak, I should be patient to look for the missing pieces and fix it up again. Thank you because for once in my life, I felt how it feels to be loved by a Dad. Thank you so much Dad and I'm lucky to have you in my life.

This day, though I know would be incomplete would still be a special day for me. This day is your birthday, we may not be together celebrating it but our hearts interlocked together is enough to make this day perfect. We may be apart physically but I know we are tied together with love, and that's what matters most. Happy birthday Dad! You may not be here, I may not be able to hug you but remember, my mind keeps our memories together and my heart contains all the beautiful feelings. I hope my love will tightly embrace you so you'd feel how I feel. You will never be forgotten Dad, because you're a part of my life: my past, my present and my future. You're a piece that completes my entirety. And did I ever tell you that you are the best Dad ever? Well if not, then let me shout at the top of my voice these words:

YOU ARE THE BEST DADDY IN THE WORLD DAD AND I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

Your Baby Girl,

Ninay

Never Be Too Late

Everyday, we were given a miracle. A miracle to wake up each day. A miracle to be able to do the things we planned to finish. A time to spend with the people we value the most. A moment to rectify our wrong moves in the past. A chance to do better. An opportunity to stand up from falling yesterday. 

God is really great. We could have been asleep our entire lives but no. God loves us so much that even if we fail Him, He will never ever leave us. He might sometimes let us fall but he won't surely let us touch the ground. For Him, we are perfect with our own imperfections. But what are we doing in return? Do we even recognize him as our God? As the greatest person in our lives? Maybe not. Sometimes not. Most of the times, we only know Him when we need something, when we are so down that nobody could lift us up. We only need Him when things are going wrong, when things are not in their proper places. We only look up to Him when we are already feeling weak. But you know what? He never left us even if we have been selfish. He didn't turned his back on us even if we keep on doing it to Him. Do you remember how God showed His love to us? He offered His life. He suffered, He was crucified, He died. How about us? What will we offer back to Him? What could we do to show how much we love Him? 

God didn't demand us to do the same suffering He has been through. What's He's asking from us is to make all the miracles in our lives count. He wants us to spend our life to its fullest by spending it with Him. By making Him as a part of it. God is not watching us from the distance but rather He's been active and involved with all that's happening in our lives. He's been awake even when we're asleep. He's been trying to fight for us even if we already give up. He's been continuing the journey for us even if we already stopped moving forward. That is how important we are for Him. 

It is never too late to try. It is never too late to appreciate the miracles we have witnessed from Him. It is never too late to thank Him. It is never too late to show how much we love Him. With God, it will never be too late...

Something Good from a Nightmare

Share lang ng experience ko last Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Kasama ko si Jaen at Theodore nung Tuesday. Sobrang laughtrip lang kami sa orgroom tapos may pumasok na babae, iniinvite kami umattend ng evening prayer. Pumunta kami kasi 15 minutes lang naman daw. Hindi namin talaga alam yung ginagawa namin dun. Yung uupo tapos tatayo tapos magba-bow. Hindi din namin alam yung tono ng mga kanta. Pero ayun nga. After nun umuwi na kami. Naghiwa-hiwalay kami. Ako una sumakay ng jeep. Pagsakay ko ng jeep parang may something akong nafeel. Kinabahan ako. Tapos yung guy na naka-jacket ang sama ng tingin. Natakot ako sa kanya kasi mukha siyang may gagawing masama. Hindi naman sa nanghuhusga ako pero iba lang talaga yung feeling ko. Ang ginawa ko, itinago ko yung phone ko tapos yung laptop ko ipinailalim ko. Pinatungan ko ng books. After ilang minutes lang yung lalaki may hawak na siyang kutsilyo nakatutok sa tagaliran ng babaeng nasa tabi niya na nasa harapan ko naman. Tapos may kinuha siya mula sa bulsa nung girl. Yung girl hindi kumibo hanggang sa makuha na yung Iphone niya. Hindi nalang ako nakapagsalita sa sobrang takot ko. Tapos yung kamay ko nasa bulsa ko lang, kinakapa ko yung rosary ko tapos sa isip ko sabi ko, "Lord please help us. Lord yung phone ko. Lord yung laptop ko. Lord baka ako yung isunod niya". Naluluha na din ako nun. Tapos yun bumaba na yung snatcher.

After nun sobrang nagpapasalamat talaga ako kay Lord, hindi lang dahil sa hindi nakuha yung phone at laptop ko pero dahil safe kaming lahat na nasa jeep. Sure ako na si God yung bumulong sakin na itago ko yung phone ko kahit na may katext ako. Nagpapasalamat din ako kasi pinili naming magdasal muna nung araw na yun. Nagpapasalamat ako kasi dumaan muna ako sa church bago pumunta sa orgroom. Ano lang naman yung ilang minutong pagdadasal kung kapalit naman nun is yung safety mo for the entire day, or week or even longer than that. Nagpapasalamat lang din ako dahil narinig ko yung talk ni Ate Ayis at yung words ni Kuya Allen sa worship nung Monday.

Stay safe guys. Alam ko na kahit super ingat natin, marami parin talagang masasama sa paligid kaya dapat mag-pray tayo lagi kasi hindi natin alam kung kelan at saan natin kakailanganin yung help ni God. God bless :)))

Blogger Novice 101

Basically, this is my first time here. I've been active in Tumblr before but I find it boring now. I only reblog pictures again and again without even knowing whether it is being viewed or what. I want something different. I want a place where I could spontaneously post anything I want without restrictions. It all started from a friend. I got interested with it that's why I'm here. Looking forward to an awesome experience here :))