I have a fear of rejection, everyone does. Who wouldn't? I mean, damn, life's too cruel. You wouldn't know whether it goes your way or not. You wouldn't have any idea what's gonna happen next. Which is which. What is what. And what makes life more complicated? The people being attached to you. Complicated world plus complicated people. That's just too much.
So I'm the type of person who easily gets emotional whenever the situation calls, and sometimes even not. I take other people's words seriously and I over-think people's actions. I was used at being the best or sometimes good in everything I do before, which I know is really hard to make. But then, I'm not perfect. I strive hard, yes that's evident but that doesn't mean I couldn't make a mistake once or twice in my life.
What's hard is when people see you having a potential at something, they would expect you to do good, AT ALL TIMES! Which is not actually my case. I can't be that good, sometimes I don't even feel like I'm better than anyone. And here goes my dwindling self-esteem again. It's hard when you were alleged of being a genius even if it's not. I'm sure all the metaphors have something to do with it. People expect so much from you and when you fail them, horrible end of the story. Why can't it be like "Oh, she didn't make it? Maybe she could next time.", why does it have to be "Oh she didn't make it? I thought she was good. I was wrong". Stupid narrow-minded people.
And what's all with the criticisms and sarcasms? Does it satisfy your want? Your desire of humiliating people? Nobody has the right to judge anyone's worth, not even the most powerful person, unless he/she was able to walk on the same shoes. But even if that's the case, it would still be unacceptable. Come on, what happened with the word "RESPECT"? Did it vanish right away from the dictionary? And if we change places, I bet it'll be hard for you too.
My inner voice which only me could here shouts, saying "Ignore them, you freak! They aren't worth your time. You are good. You have proven yourself at many things and you'll continue that. Right? Why get bothered with them?" I wish it was that easy, like ignoring them could be done in a blink of an aye. I'm afraid it isn't like that. It feels like witnessing a real nightmare right through your eyes. What makes it more scary is that you could feel the humiliation and rejection directly striking through the walls of your veins.
At times like this, where we feel too fragile to fight, the best thing to do is to make our inner selves strong with the help of that very person above who knew everything about what we're going through, GOD. With Him in our lives, complicated world where complicated people resides becomes a better place to live in.
Just remember, if you couldn't fight any longer, let Him fight for you.
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