Wandering in Dreamland

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her wearing an amaranth shaded ball gown with layers of chiffon and tulle fabric studded with beads and sequins accentuating the entire outfit. A shining crown is nesting on her swept-up flaming auburn hair. Her earrings match her necklace with great elegance. As she walks down the stairs, escorted by a man in black coat and mask, every eye was scrutinizing her. It is apparent how the visitors were flabbergasted on how beautiful she was as they hold their breath. I was also amazed. She looks a lot like the princesses I watched years ago. When she was already at the center of the marble tiled room, 18 men walked towards her with a rose on their hands and the black masks hiding their identity. Each of them approached her offering their rose and danced with her. It was magical.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her seated on the right side of the glass dining table with her Mom, brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews and nieces. It was a big crowd. Each of them wearing a smile on their lips and a glow of gaiety can be seen in their eyes.  I could hear the sounds of giggle and chuckle floating in the air. But I couldn't hear what they were talking about, needless to know, the happiness in them is evident. It was blissful.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her promenading up the stage in her black academic dress with the hood in colors white and red while on her head was a mortarboard. With great pride, she received the fruit of her hard work as her name was called with Latin honor. As much pride she has for her great achievement, she kept humble even if her family were all in standing ovation. The next scene I saw her, she was again walking up the stage but with a different outfit now and much more different countenance. She’s wearing an academic biretta and mozetta disclosing a higher degree she beholds. Her face though with a slight sophistication still masks an ecstatic look. She must be very happy. It was amazing.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her calmly driving her Aqua Blue Metallic Porsche 911. It was my first time to see her drive in the crowded highways of Manila. Later on, she parked on the facade of her European house all in shades of blue. It was colossal.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her laughing with her friends. They were enjoying themselves while gobbling the food on the little table. They were watching a funny movie. All were seated on the floor carpeted with comforter. They are on their sleeping clothes, pajamas  tank tops, shorts and t-shirts. They all felt comfortable neglecting how disheveled they look. It was funny.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her with the man she loves. The way they talk to each other, the way they smile at each other, the way they look in each other’s eyes, it was all filled with compassion and pure love. They would just do anything, even the silliest they could and still enjoy themselves. They take pictures as a result of their vanity. They watch movies, eat all the popcorn and sleep in the movie room. They tease each other and wrestle until they get tired. They eat all the food they want and burp together. They sit on the floor, hold hands and sing. They play a loud music and dance to it. It was sweet.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw her kneeling right in front of the altar with the three scented candles lighted. It was the only source of light for the dimmed room because the fluorescent was closed. The silence inundating the room is deafening. I stared at her while she was praying intently. Her brown rosary was on her right hand. I was wondering what could her prayers been up to. I saw tears from the corners of her eyes. She’s trying to impede it from flowing but she could not. I saw the sincerity in her eyes. I saw her love, her gratification and her humility. She’s not saying a word but her actions were a lot to understand. It was touching.

Wandering in dreamland, I saw myself. I saw myself wearing a ball gown on my debut. I saw myself sitting on the dining table with my family. I saw myself graduating with honor. I saw myself with my own car and house. I saw myself with my friends. I saw myself with the one I love. I saw myself praying. It was all me, wandering in dreamland.

I Honor His Honesty

Napansin ko lang, halos lahat ng blogs ko English. Nakakapanibago tuloy mag-blog ng Tagalog version. Anyway, para naman maiba, Tagalog nalang din gagamitin ko dito. Mahalin ang sariling wika nga daw diba? Don't worry! I'll try my best not to bore you and that you wouldn't doze off while reading this.

Hanggang ngayon may sakit parin ako (awkward mag-Tagalog, para akong makata!). Actually nag-start to nung Tuesday. Dala na siguro 'to ng stress at depression for the past week. Pero naenjoy ko parin yung araw ko last Tuesday. Wait, ano nga ba nangyari nung araw na yun? I spent the whole day with my friends from my block. Puro food trip lang kami nung araw na yun. Before namin umuwi, nag-frappe pa kami, kaya siguro lumala yung sakit ko. Tapos pumunta ako mag-isa sa church para umattend ng mass. Nakakatuwa nga kasi sobrang nakarelate ako sa Gospel. About putting God in the center of your life despite of the problems you're going through. Todo luha talaga ako kasi parang feeling ko patama talaga sakin ng pari yun. After nun umuwi na ako mag-isa. Susunduin dapat ako ni Mommy Dear kaso may lakad pa kasi yata siya. 

Pagsakay ng jeep which is ako lang ang sakay, (hahahah! feeling diyosa ng jeep :)) then nagbayad na ako. Ang regular fare ng student is Php7.00 pero nasanay na kasi ako magbayad ng Php8.00 since first year. Ang nakakatuwa jan, binalik sakin ni mamang driver yung PISO kasi daw estudyante ako. Obvious naman sa uniform kong pang Mercury Drugstore. So anong nakakatuwa dun? For my almost 2 years na pagco-commute at pagbabayad ng sobra sa dapat, siya palang yung unang taong honest na nagbalik ng piso sakin. Kung iisipin, it won't mean much to me, okay lang sakin if di na niya ibalik, but the fact na naging honest siya para ibalik yun, that's a big thing. Come to think of it, sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, alam naman natin na todo kayod talaga bawat isa para lang makasurvive sa bawat araw. Meron pa nga dyan yung mga kapit na sa patalim may makain lang. It reminds me of my friend who got her Iphone 5 snatched which is a week old palang. 

Saludo talaga ako kay mamang driver kaya inspired din akong gumawa ng blog para sa kanya kasi yung mga honest na taong tulad niya, dapat lang na i-recognize. But still, the thing is, kahit na hindi makita o malaman ng maraming tao yung kabutihang-loob niya, may isang tao namang hindi pinapalampas yun, si God. I'm sure na ibe-bless pa siya lalo ni God kasi mabait siya. And for that, I wish him all the best to come.

Love as a JanSport

This is actually my homework for Philippine Literature. I'm sick and this is the only thing my mind could process for now.

Love technically means a strong affection towards other people. It is a feeling of warm personal attachment. But it is not only limited to those definition because every person has his/her own definition of love. Love could be saying “hi” to him every morning, love could be texting her every day, love could be making Dad coffee when he gets home, love could be kissing Mom before going to school. Love is everywhere. But for me, love can never be defined, it is meant to be felt. Well anyway in this task, I would define love in a different way. Love for me is like a JanSport backpack.

As a brief history, JanSport is an American brand of backpacks owned by VF Corporation, one of the world's largest apparel companies^. The company was founded in 1967 in Seattle, Washington by Murray Pletz, who named the company after his wife. But to be specific, I would refer to the latest designs of JanSport bags in the year 2000.

The main reason why I compared love to a JanSport bag is because first we all know that this leading brand of bags comes in varieties of colors and designs. Every year, it produces new designs. Love also comes in different kinds. We have love for a friend, love for family or romantic love and it comes in different intensities depending on a person involved. Many people who use JanSport bags have different tastes when it comes to the design and appearance of the product. The bag reflects the personality of the person who uses it. A girly girl would use one that is overly designed and colored. Simple person would choose the bag with a plain one. A person who seeks for attention would buy the one on neon colors. And so with love, we choose the person we fall in love with based on our tastes and compatibility. It’s either we get along more to the people we mostly have similarities with or we would give more time to know the people who we have great differences with.

Love can also be true or not. There are instances when we think that we are already in love but in the end we’d realize it was just a simple admiration or infatuation. There are times when we feel like we are ready to love seriously but it would end like it was only a game. We get fooled easily because love that is not real has no much difference with that of a true love. The only moment we prove which is which is when we are able to test it in time, which is similar to that of the JanSport bags. There are bags which are branded and original and there are also those which are only imitations. At first, they seem to look almost the same. But as time passes by, we’d be able to see which is real and which is fake because an original JanSport doesn't tear down easily unlike the imitations which only last for few months.

Lastly, a JanSport bag and love resemble each other in a way that in time, it will lose its value because things like these are transitory and are subject to changes every single moment. It would either develop or depreciate its value based on a person’s attitude towards them. A person who is committed to love would treasure every moment of it and would do everything to keep it alive. But a person who is unsure of a certain relationship might break-up anytime. It’s up to the person involved how he/she would take hold of it and how he/she would keep it long lasting.

                       

Love Issues

I was scribbling my Tumblr account a while ago then I saw a picture quote which says :

Anyway, here's the link of my Tumblr in case you want to stalk me more :">

I find it really funny because I was thinking about blogging this topic this morning because I could definitely relate to this.

Last New Year 2012, I met this guy, a family friend I guess but it was my first time to see him. At first I wasn't really into him even if he's good-looking *kilig smile*. My Mom told me to entertain him for him not to get bored so I talked to him. It was really awkward in the beginning. I don't know how to start our conversation so I introduced myself first. He did the same thing. Then we went out and watched a movie. He's very welcoming so I didn't have a hard time being with him. And there, I instantly had a crush on him. After that day, I went back to my normal life. Then I remembered we were Facebook friends already, and there we started chatting. We had a typical conversation, just like any ordinary person. But not for me, he seemed so special to me that even a simple "hi" from him completes my day. But I kept my feelings from him even if my family already knew that I like him. Who wouldn't? If his picture is my desktop background? I downloaded his pictures on my laptop and stared at them every night, smiling like a fool. I didn't tell him how I felt because he's in love with another girl. *Ouch* He would always tell me about her, one time he even asked me what special thing he could do for her on Valentine's Day. And when they had conflicts (FYI, he's courting her at that time) I would give him pieces of advice to solve it. Yah! I'm that martyr :)) I also don't have the courage to tell him because he might not feel comfortable with that and he might  start to avoid me. I'm happy being his friend. Until now I'm into him but it already seem so impossible for him to fall for me especially that now he's on TV. Yes, he's starting his showbiz career. I'm happy for him because he's starting to fulfill his dreams. He once told me that he wants to be an actor and I think he's already on the bridge of achieving it. I would always include him in my prayers, for his dreams to come to life and hope that he would still stay as he was even if he has a new world now. I'm not sure if he still considers me as a friend anymore, but more likely just a fan now because we rarely communicate to each other. It's hard falling for a guy you know won't love you the same way and that you would just settle being a friend because that's the only way you can be with him. I sublimated my feelings for him because that's what the society tells me to do. I chose it because this is the least way I could be hurt even if at some point I could feel rejection but in an intensity that I could still endure. I don't know how long this would take. At first I thought it was just an ordinary admiration or infatuation but my feelings won't seem to vanish and that bothers me. I'm afraid that this is already LOVE. I don't want a one-direction-love but if I could see even a bit of an opportunity, I would grab it and take a risk.

There's also this guy, whom I treat as my brother because he's a year older. I knew him much because he was my schoolmate when I was in high school. His sister was a close friend of mine. Now that I'm in college, he started showing motives that he likes me. It's not hard to know because it's obvious. Girls see meanings at guys actions easily. It's a gift :) We've spent some time together, we watched a movie, went out, dine together. But I don't see it as a date, for me it's more of a friendly bonding which I know is not what it seems for him. One night he told me about his feelings for me and I don't know how to answer him. I don't want to reject him because that hurts, I myself doesn't want to be rejected. But what should I do? I don't want to lie, I don't want to let him expect that I feel the same because I only see him as a friend, not more than that. So I told him what I really feel. And I assured him that I would stay as his friend no matter what. But my words did have a great impact to him. There's no way I couldn't hurt him. He decided to stay away from me. He blocked me in Facebook and he ignored me on Twitter. I understand, he was hurt. But I couldn't force myself to love him back or pretend to like him, I'm not like that. But just lately, he started talking to me again and apologized for what he did. I told him that I understand why he had to do it. And now we're okay as friends.

It's been almost 2 years when I had my last boyfriend. If you were able to read my blog entitled "Mind over Matter", that was particularly written for him. That was the most serious relationship I had (FYI, he was my 2nd boyfriend). We loved each other so much. Everything was almost perfect. But my Mom didn't want him for me so she told me to break up with him. At first I didn't  listen to her. I hide it. Until one day someone told her about us and she got furiously mad at me and  slapped me on my face. I don't want to enumerate all the other painful things she did to me. After that moment, I got my arms bruised and some parts of my legs darkened. You could just imagine how painful that was. But you know what? The physical pain didn't matter to me, what hurts me most is the thought that my Mom did that to me for the first time. The physical torture, I can still manage that but the trauma it brought to me, I don't know if I could take that. But I'm happy that I have a better relationship with her now. And I thank her because after all, I learned my lessons. But then, if that didn't happen, I wouldn't break up with him because I love him, I'm dead serious about that. I got bothered because he started wasting his life when I broke up with him. I told him to fix his life and he answered yes. He asked me to include him in my prayers because he knows how close I am to God, he just don't know that even after our relationship, I still prayed for him because he means so much to me.

I don't regret anything in my past. But if I was given a chance to bring back the time, there are things that I would do and things that I wouldn't do. But to sum it up, the things that happened in my past make me who I am today. For now I'm single and unavailable. Hihihihih! Nobody owns my heart but God and my family. I don't know why but I enjoy my life being single. Less drama, less pain, less worries. A person can never be happy in a relationship if he/she is not happy with his/her own company. We should first be happy with ourselves because then and only then that we would realize how awesome it is to spend a lifetime with the one God have set for us. In my case, I'm still in the process of knowing myself more and I'm happy with that :)

GOD IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEMS Part 2

Hello! I just got home from our fieldwork in Nueva Ecija. It was fun! I spent my stay there playing with the kids. I suddenly want to have a younger sibling :) By the way, I'm doing this blog as a continuation of "GOD IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEMS Part 1".

"If God will protect us from all hurts and problems, we won't become spiritually strong." - page 118

Who among you never experienced or encountered any problem? I bet nobody's gonna answer "yes" because even the most insensitive child has her/his own issue in life. Why? God allows us to experience different problems with varying intensity because He wants us to learn how to be strong in all aspects of our lives. Let us not think of our troubles as God's way of punishing us. It is a blessing from Him only if we're able to apprehend the reason behind. Remember, God may let us fall, but He won't surely let us touch the ground. You know what, based on my acquaintances with different people, I can say that the strongest people are those who've been into a great fall. Just like a rubber ball, the greater impact of our fall, the higher we'll bounce back. In our lives, the problems that come on our way, the more chances we become stronger and draw closer to God.

"Pain will make you become who God wants you to be." - page 122

I could attest to this one. I've went through so many painful experiences already. Take my lovelife as an example. Just like any other ordinary girl, I also fell for a guy. Believing that we were meant for each other. Until I woke up one day we're already apart. I don't want to define how painful it was anymore. But all I know is that I'm different now. Stronger, more matured, more equipped for heartbreaks, invulnerable, tenacious enough to withstand all the storms that might bash me. Now I understand, it was God's plan to let me experience a heartbreak to let me know that I have a heart, that I'm not numb, that I have to be strong, that I shouldn't always depend on other people, that I can go on with my life without the person whom I thought would be there always. He wants me to realize how loved I am by my family, my friends and most especially by Him. For now, I could proudly say that I'm a better person now because of the pain of my past.

"God won't protect you from all pain. But He will allow you to experience pain that can turn into a great blessing." - page 126

God is our protector, healer, father. Everything! But at some point of our lives, He would let us experience rough times because He loves us so much that He wants us to be strong. You know what I mean. You only have to believe, trust, and have faith in Him because He will never fail us. Just like when we were months old and we try to walk. For several times, we trip, we stumble, we fall. But that's just a part of the cycle of learning to walk. In the end, we will be able to walk alone without tripping, stumbling and falling. We should see all things positively because these are all blessings from God.

That's all. I leave the other things for you to discover. Keep in faith!

GOD IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEMS Part 1

This morning, I was able to finish reading my book entitled "God is Bigger than your Biggest Problems" by Bo Sanchez which was given to me by a close friend who happened to be my co-YFC. I received it last December, obviously as a Christmas gift. I didn't read nor open it. I chose to read my novel books instead. One thing that's on my mind is that I don't have a big problem and I think I won't be able to relish its essence because it won't have a great impact to me. I kept it on my drawer for couple of weeks, still covered. One day, I saw it on the sofa. The plastic cover was gone, meaning someone opened it first before I get the chance to do so. Well anyway, it was my Mom who read it. She told me that she got curious because of the title, and when she started reading it, she shared how amazed and inspired she was because of the content. At that time, I'm still not in the mood to read it.

Recently, I've encountered a problem in my acads, (if you were able to read my previous blog, then you know what I'm talking about). I felt totally despondent in every way imaginable. That's why I decided to read the book because I might be able to find the answers to all the confusions boggling my mind since last week. I read the book for a day, half day to be exact. Let me share to you some of the passages.

"I thank God for giving me parents who loved me whether I performed in school or not. They just loved me, period. Unconditionally." - page 26

There are times in our lives where we get pressured with our acads because of our parents. If not all, then most parents encourage their children to study hard and as much as possible push them to be an achiever. I know the feeling because my Mom is like that since I was in pre-school. She molded me to become competitive in my studies which until now I was able to carry over. And sometimes because of their high expectations, we feel like we're being tied up to something that suffocates us. If we don't meet their expectations then we fail them. But that's not always the case. In the first place, our parents push us to study hard because they want all the best for us  because in the end, it is us who'll soon benefit from all the achievements we received. When we get failing grades that doesn't mean that our parents' love for us is shrinking. We should keep in mind that our parents love us with all our flaws and failures. These are the things which build who we really are. And who we are is what matters most to them.

"God won't allow any problem, any crisis, any trial, any evil in your life to stop His great  vision  from happening in your life." - page 52

Whenever we encounter big problems in our lives, we tend to question God why these things happen to us. I admit, I did that too. Let me give you a concrete example. I was seven years old when my Dad died. Me being the youngest in a brood of three was unaware of the real situation. But the moment I grew up and realized how hard it is to grow up without a father, I questioned God for taking my Dad away from me. Is this some kind of punishment because I wasn't a good daughter? After years and years, I was enlightened. Everything happens for a reason. My Dad died for a reason. Maybe God took him away because He wants me to realize one thing: to value the people who mean a lot to me as long as they're still here because I might never know when they'd be gone. Because of that, I was able to build a stronger relationship with my family, my Mom and my brothers. See? Even if I had a bitter experience in the past, I can still deduce a sweet lesson out of it. That is how great God is. Even before we question His will, He already prepared the answers for us to unveil. In the same way, God must have a reason for letting me fail my exams. Maybe He wants me to strive harder because He can see the potential in me. He can see that I can do more.

"The size of your expectations determine the size of your blessings." - page 64

Pessimism. We become pessimistic when we have little faith in Him. We think about negative things instead of uplifting ourselves. We're more likely to expect the worse to come. We let our fears consume us. If we think that it is the end of the world then we won't be able to appreciate all the blessings God is pouring on us. If we keep on looking back at the things we lost in the past, we miss some of the greater opportunities waiting ahead of us. It's just like holding a candle in the middle of darkness. When the wind blows the flame away then all that surround you is pure darkness. With that situation you have two options to choose from. One is to stay right there in the middle and cry until miracle would light your candle up which is impossible or you can also try to move around, spread your hands until you'd be able to grasp the matchbox on the corner. The more we expect of good things to happen, the more likely we'd be able to realize how blessed we are. But we should keep in mind that with every expectation, we should act upon it because expectation without effort is non-sense.

There are so many things I would love to share in this blog. But for now, I'll end it here. I hope you learned something because I learned so many things just from reading this book. So there. Always remember, when you have a big God then there's nothing you have to worry about. God bless :))

DILEMMAS

I couldn't exactly fathom how to start this blog because honestly, I feel like I'm gonna breakdown any moment. I feel so weak, so helpless, so frustrated. I'm stressed and depressed. Actually right now, while doing this blog, I'm shedding tears. There's no other way to bring it out. I'm pressured with my grades, yeah, a very mainstream dilemma that a college student like me experiences. It's just that I'm not used at this kind of situation. I have no idea what's happening to me. I can't even answer my friends whenever they ask me what's wrong because they are also not used to it. 

It started out when I got too much concentrated on my dancing career. I joined a college-wide dance competition which was supposed to be held last December but due to some conflicts, it was moved on a latter date. At first, I thought it was a good idea because I'd be able to join the Youth Camp. Until I got to know that it was scheduled a week right after our preliminary week. I thought of quitting. Yeah, it was a hard decision to make basically because we've been practicing our routine for almost a month already. I was confused. It took me days before I could finally decide. I didn't quit. I thought about my group. They've also sacrificed a lot for this competition and they've put so much effort only to make it possible and I could not afford to disappoint them. So I went on even if it means taking my acads for granted. We practiced almost everyday, before our class, after our class, during holidays, during the days which was supposed to be our time for relaxation. We pampered ourselves with stretching, warm-ups, bone-breaking stunts, heart-pounding steps. But all in all it was a great experience being with the people I had only few acquaintances with. It feels good being friends with people who were only random strangers before.

Here's a picture of my group. Our official picture during the competition.

And then the day of the competition came. We gave our all and luckily we were able to bag 2nd Runner Up. Anyway thank you to those who came to watch and cheer for us.

But above all, I treasure the friendship we built and the memories we had together may it be a funny one or heartbreaking scene. I thought it was the end of the story, after all it was already a happy ending. One thing I forgot was that it was only a temporary event of my life. Eventually, I'd be going back to what I used to do which is studying. And there came all my tribulations. I received my grades and yeah they were...HEART CRUSHING :((

I got 76 from my major subject which was Accounting. Huhuhuhuh! So I'm pressured about not being exempted at taking the Retention Exam. My heart's shouting "NO TO RETENTION EXAMS!" but will I be able to do it? Other than that, I also got 75 from my Economics :(( And worst, I got a failing grade of 66 from my prelim exam in Calculus. That's another first for me. First time to get a failing grade. I got 92 from my Literature and 93 from my English. Good enough but it was not my expected grade. I was expecting a grade of 96, I even told myself "Mauuno ko yan!" but I was wrong. I studied, I'm sure about that. It's just that maybe I was absent-minded or maybe I was thinking about other impertinent stuff. And also, I was too complacent that reading my lessons twice is already enough for me even if some parts, I still don't understand well.

So maybe some of my friends were asking me what's wrong. The wrong thing is that I'm not sure if I could still make it. It's not that I don't believe in God's plan, I trust Him! I just don't trust myself whether I could make up from this great great great downfall. Every night I was crying and thinking about my grades, hoping for a miracle to happen. 

I already deactivated my Facebook and Twitter account. I'm too depressed and I don't want to be reading any negative status or rants anymore. It's a waste of time.

At this time, I still didn't inform my Mom about it.What for? It's my problem, I'm not supposed to get her involved. I know she has already so many problems and I don't want to add up anymore. I guess I would just try to keep it to myself for now. I will wait for the right time to tell her, just not now. Please!

But the good thing is that I felt loved and cared for because my friends constantly remind me to be strong and that I can do this. Just now, some of my YFC family gave me pieces of advice and comforted me. One thing I wouldn't forget is when a friend told me "Hindi ka AMV kung di mo mararanasan yan!". It's true. Nobody could define how hard it is to stay in AMV-College of Accountancy unless he/she was able to experience what we're going through. All the pressure and burden launched on our back is not a joke. It is a challenge for a lifetime because it will soon define our future.

For now, I want to focus on my studies because it is my top priority I just hope that I can make it through. With God in me, I'm hoping for a better tomorrow.

A Story to Remember

                Instead of studying about flowcharts, pseudocodes, decision symbols; instead of answering the questions on my book about installment liquidation; instead of reading the selection of Wedding Dance and May Day Eve; instead of reflecting about The God Stealer, yeah I’m that busy but I’m here ranting on my blog.

           
                I suddenly want to talk about my so far, favorite novel book written by Nicholas Sparks, and I know millions of Nicholas Sparks’ fan would agree with me if I say that this was the best novel of all times… A WALK TO REMEMBER.

            
             I was in high school when I got the chance to watch it, remember the characters Jamie Sullivan and Landon Carter? Yeah, they are the main characters. But since I’m a bookworm, I still prefer reading it even if I already know the story. I didn't buy the book; it was a gift from my friend during our exchange gift. I read it last December for a day. Hahahahah!! Obviously, it’s my favorite.

            
                 I’m amazed at how the story touches my inner emotions even if I've watched it for zillion times already. I mean, the essence, the thought, the feelings were still fresh. That is what I love about Sparks, he could touch every reader’s hearts the best he could. So this is more likely to become a novel review.

            
                Love does exist. Even in the most unexpected time. Even if how different two people are, those differences will make a way to bring them together. I still remember how Sparks used to describe Jamie in the novel, cheerful, sweet and yet mysterious especially whenever she holds her bible and read it. She’s not the girl stereotype in her school. Unlike Landon who was some sort of a rebel. Nice contrast isn't it? A good girl almost near to an angel falling madly and deeply in love with a bad guy. But that’s how love works and how it changes a person’s personality. Not until Landon fall for Jamie that he became closer to God. And when the day came that Jamie told Landon about her health status. She’s sick, she’s dying and she has few days left. So that’s the saddest part. How could love be so cruel? When two people are ready to be together, forever and that’s the time when conflicts arise and try to knock their relationship off.

            
           I honor Landon for all his efforts to make Jamie happy for her remaining days. He married her because that was Jamie’s wish. It must’ve been really hard for Landon to marry the girl he loves whom he know might die any moment. At the same time, I admire Jamie for being very positive in the most drowning time of her life. How could their love be so bitter and yet so sweet? I want that kind of love too. But of course I don’t want to be dying or my loved ones to be dying. I want a love that is pure, that is patient; that is willing to take a risk. A love that is worth living and dying for. But does love like that still exists in the present world where people see it more often as a game than a commitment?

            
            Eventually Jamie died. But what’s amazing was that Landon kept his promises. He loved Jamie for the rest of his life because death won’t keep them apart and that won’t change his love for him. He’s the real man. I saw how strong he was. Losing a person we love is the most painful thing that might happen in our life. I know how it feels. But with how tight he tried to hold on with his love for Jamie, that’s more than a proof to show how much he love her.

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.” 

Know the Difference

            So how’s your New Year guys? Who would have thought that we’re gonna reach the year 2013 when the Mayan Calendar was expecting the end of the world to happen on the 21^st of December 2012? Silly predictions!

I’ve been out for a couple of days because my mom and I went to Isabela to spend our vacation there. I spent my whole vacation partying, getting drunk, having a good time with my high school friends and sleeping in the morning, waking up late, having a headache, forgetting to eat my meal. I even forgot to visit my dad’s tombstone because I was too busy with other unimportant stuff. That is how I ended my year 2012, getting wild and free. I thought at first that it was a good idea but I was wrong.  Yeah, my mom didn’t interrupt me from partying but I don’t feel the satisfaction and contentment. Even if it looks like I’m having a good time, the truth is I’m not really enjoying myself because that is not how I’m supposed to spend my vacation. But with all the people cajoling you to join them, would you say “no”? , if the last time that you were with them was a year ago.

Few days more and here comes the year 2013. The long awaited New Year has come. It was fun to spend the New Year with all the firecrackers shouting and screaming the coming of the first day on the calendar year 2013.

What do I expect from the year 2013? Here’s the list.

1.      Peaceful year. No more fights, no more arguments, no more conflicts, no more trash talking, no more back stabbing, no more gossips. I want to reconcile with all the people I’ve had fights with. I want to say sorry to all the people I’ve hurt intentionally and obliviously. I want to bring back the friendships and relationships that were once been broken. I want to forgive all the people who’ve done wrong to me but admit all their flaws.

2.      Healthy year. With all the problems I’ve been through and with all the challenges that I’m going to face, all I need is a healthy body, healthy mind, healthy heart and a healthy spirit.

3.      A year filled with joy. When I say joy that includes all the people that makes me happy. My family, my friends and all the random people who brought joy in my life. I want this year to be filled with laughter and tears of joy.

4.      More blessings. Year 2012 was a year filled with blessings in every aspect of my life. And I hope that these blessings would continue to pour.

5.      Good grades. My academic standing means a lot to me, more than any material things I have. I’ve been living my entire school years being an achiever, that’s why I’m striving as hard as I could to keep it up. Having a good grade is my simple joy but having high grades is my ultimate goal. Yes, it’s true that grades are just numbers and doesn’t define our intelligence. But in the real world, when we apply for a job, it is our transcript that is being checked and having a high grade means bigger opportunity to be employed.

6.      Better me. I know I can make myself a better one. There had been so many challenges in my life which made me stronger, more matured, more understanding, and more positive. I know I can do more, there is no room to settle for less than I deserve.

With these, I could say that this year would give me more than I expect. I won’t ask for the year 2013 to be good to me. I should be good for the year 2013. Know the difference J